After a narcissistic relationship, we can find ourselves seeming to see narcissists everywhere. Sometimes after the experience of having an adult narcissistic relationship, we realize that we have a narcissistic parent and we suddenly see narcissism amongst our friends, acquaintances and co-workers.
The experience of narcissistic abuse wakes us up out of a trance. As we gain insight into what has happened to us, we are changed. We have heightened awareness and an increasing capacity to recognize narcissism.
This can feel very frightening. Enough to make us want to recoil and not step out of our front door! It is indeed one of the phases we go through during our recovery.
Truly, the truth is there are many narcissists out there, however there is also much goodness and kindness.
What we want to do is to become narcissist immune so that we only attract healthy people and if we come across a narcissist, their antics don’t touch us and so they simply recoil out of our space in search of someone they can penetrate.
So how do we become narcissist immune?
1. Become a Solid Source to Yourself
Narcissists are able to enter our space, our sphere, our lives and our beings, when we haven’t yet become a solid source to ourselves. That means we are still looking for something or someone outside of ourselves to fill the void and provide the love, security, approval and acceptance that we never had and haven’t yet learned to give to ourselves.
Becoming a solid source to yourself requires radical self-responsibility and a commitment to lovingly dedicate time and energy to heal and close all the gaps that would allow a narcissist to enter.
For most of us, this means our “gaps” of co-dependency stemming from our wounded parts.
To heal these parts of us we need to meet them by going towards them and feeling our feelings. We become curious and interested in our wounded younger selves and love them back to health, wellbeing and wholeness.
2. Become Self Focused
Many people who have suffered narcissist abuse become obsessed with learning all about the narcissist and imagine that if they know all there is to know about them, they can avoid being hooked in by another one.
When we have been abused, trauma-bonding has occurred which carries an addictive element with a chemical reaction racing around our bodies. We feel we must vent all of our thoughts and horrific stories about the narcissist’s behavior. This simply produces more chemical addiction and the relief we feel is very short-lived.
In order to truly heal, we must become self-focused. That means being completely focused on our own healing which includes releasing trauma from our bodies and forming a new connection with our younger self inside.
No amount to reading or researching about narcissists will heal you or protect you from them. True healing and the ability to attract only healthy people into your life comes from being healthy and whole yourself.
3. Become Zero Fear
When we are solid within ourselves and focused on giving ourselves the love and acceptance we deserve, we become healthy and whole. From this place we are powerful and are not afraid of narcissists because we know we can provide for ourselves everything we need.
We actually have no fear of getting involved with a narcissist, bumping into an ex-narcissist or anything else narcissist related because we know ourselves, our values and our boundaries.
When we operate from this center of power within us, we find that narcissists appear in our lives less and less because they are no longer part of our lived reality and if we do encounter them, they tend to run the other way and find someone else to hook in, unable to find or enter our previous wounds.
Narcissists thrive on people being terrified, diminished and needing them. When we no longer need them and can stand alone in our power, a narcissist won’t stick around because he knows he won’t get supply from you.
4. Become Zero Tolerance
With having our own values and boundaries in place, we become willing and able to speak them and keep them. In having zero tolerance, we are very clear on what we won’t tolerate.
We may begin practicing our boundaries on those around us. As we do this, we will likely be sent “tests” from the universe to see how we will respond.
When we are able to see these “tests” or “triggers” as an opportunity to further heal and expand ourselves, our commitment pays off with miracles of transformation and truth.
5. Become a Zero Match
All in all, your job is to become a zero match for narcissists. By diligently following the guidance above and doing the inner work to rise beyond your trauma and pain and expand your consciousness, change your life trajectory and shift your energy. This is true transformation.
From here you begin to generate your own life and co-create miracles with the Divine (God/Love/Source/Universal energy or whatever your version is).
Life takes on a whole new meaning and you have a whole new way of being. You are simply no longer a match for a narcissist. Your soul has learned what it needed to learn from the experience and you now have the beautiful gift and healing on a profound level. You’re living the life you were always meant to live.