Allow me to show you how you can heal and soar high into a life of joy and purpose…
My name is Julie-Anne. I was born into a toxic and abusive family environment with a violent, narcissistic father, a schizophrenic brother and uncle. and a severely co-dependent mother.
When I was six years old my mother left my father and got involved with a religious cult – emotional and physical abuse along with deep neglect became my normal.
I felt very alone, unloved, unaccepted and very different to the rest of my family.
As a child I felt a huge sense of purpose and a sense that I was meant to do something more in the world. I experienced an innate wisdom and being able to see and feel so very deeply , although it was many years before I fully understood what this was about.
Leaving home at sixteen, I was hugely determined and tenacious but suffered intense emotional pain in intimate relationships.
Attracting unavailable men and suffering heartbreak over and over again, at aged twenty-four I made a decision to be in a relationship with my best friend to feel safe and escape the pain even though I wasn’t romantically attracted to him. I felt deeply unfulfilled. We were however good friends and were together for ten years, during which time we traveled all over the world.
Finally finding the courage to leave the relationship, all of my old insecurities and patterns re-emerged.
I embarked on a healing journey, including leaving the UK for the USA to work with coaches and teachers to heal my relationship patterns. Later, I became a Relationship Coach myself as well as training in other healing modalities.
Living and breathing the principles I had learned, I set an intention to meet the love of my life by the end of the year. Through a series of incredible synchronicities, I him just a few days before my intended deadline!
I was living my dream with the love of my life in beautiful California by the beach, along with teaching women all over the world.
But I began to notice something was very wrong. He had different “personas” He would go from incredibly loving and kind and the person I had fallen in love with, to condescending, cold and distant.
I began walking on eggshells and became smaller and smaller until there was nothing left of me. I tried to brace myself each day for which person he would be, sometimes hour to hour or even minute to minute.
He presented himself as my “Spiritual Teacher” and used spiritual principles to manipulate and control. I was beyond confused. I felt as though I was going completely insane.
I carried on teaching, in denial and desperately trying to hold onto him and the “love” I thought I had. I felt deeply ashamed and abandoned by God given the journey I had been on to attract love. Nothing made sense.
After seven years and with a huge amount of courage, I left California for Bali. I had lost my whole identity as I had known it – my relationship, home, family and work. I began to have major panic attacks and a complete breakdown. Deeply traumatized, I could barely breathe or function.
During the darkness and despair, I read a book that to my absolute amazement, described my own story. I realized I had suffered severe narcissistic abuse.
I began to make the connections between my childhood and marriage – abuse all in the name of God.
I found support and discovered I could heal. I worked to release the trauma from my time with him. I released the trauma from my childhood out of my body and got to know and love the little girl inside me on a level that I had never yet experienced.
Taking full responsibility for my healing, I worked to heal all of my own co-dependency that had left me susceptible to narcissistic abuse. As I continued to release the trauma, I gained insights into my own behaviors and patterns, empowering me to organically start to change from the inside out. I came home to myself.
During this time I also wrote an album called “Met by Grace,” which is about my journey from darkness and despair to healing and becoming healthy and whole.
I realized my experiences had been a gift and opportunity for me to heal on a profound level, become the mother to myself that I never had and take all of the experience, wisdom, insights and healing gained to support other women.
From this new way of being I could also start to see my abusers in a new way and how they themselves had suffered trauma and were doing what they knew. I set myself free by forgiving myself and by doing so, forgave them too (though we have no contact).
I also began to experience my own connection with the Divine. Very different from the God of my childhood and marriage, the Divine I experience is truth, light and unconditional love.
The more I healed, the more my outer world reflected my inner world and I began to thrive in all areas of my life. Now I am so grateful for the experience that allowed me to truly heal, be my true self and live the life I was meant to live.
I created Love is Always Kind to support other women to heal and soar high, also doing performances where I share my story through my music, offering hope, inspiration and community.
I know you can heal and soar high too and I would love to support you.
(please note: I believe forgiveness is a personal choice. I chose to forgive but that may not be the case for everyone and that is okay. I believe the most important thing is forgiving ourselves and being at peace).