I remember well when I was first in the aftershock of narcissistic abuse and the realization that most people around me didn’t understand or have any idea what I was going through.
Recovering from a narcissistic relationship is nothing like a normal relationship break-up. While normal relationship break-ups can of course be excruciatingly painful, the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship is on a whole other level. We feel as though our soul has been raped. We feel them crawling under our skin. We feel ripped apart as though our very being has been invaded. We have often lost everything, our whole identity as we have known it. We may feel barely able to function, move or breathe and may question how we can go on living. Indeed, we feel we are losing our minds and people around us may question our sanity.
Well-meaning friends may hand out advice that simply doesn’t apply in this situation and after a while wonder why we can’t just “get over it” and get on with life.
If they are a mutual friend they may only ever have seen his “loving and kind” persona.
We often lose people we thought were friends in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse – because they simply do not understand and doubt what we say. People may even take the narcissist’s side.
The pain of all of this can feel beyond debilitating with the feelings of loneliness and isolation being rife.
I myself lost many people I thought were friends. I was very fortunate to have a couple of people in my life who, even though they had never experienced it, were willing to listen, learn and understand the best they could. More than anything they just wanted to be kind and supportive for which I am so grateful.
The truth is that unless people have been through it they do not understand. Really, how would they? Many of us in this community knew nothing or very little about narcissistic abuse before we went through it or even long after we came out of it. When you consider how long and how much healing it has taken many of us to understand it, why would we really expect anyone who has never been there to be able to comprehend it?
We cannot force people to understand or “get it.” By trying to do so we can leave ourselves vulnerable to more pain and hurt.
My suggestion is only to confide in people who have been through it and are committed to their own healing or the rare people who are committed to kindness no matter what.
I know all of this can leave us feeling so very alone.
Yet, there is healing in the loneliness. When we use the loneliness as a catalyst to turn inwards and connect with our little girl inside. When we give her all of the attention, validation and understanding we are craving. When we commit to her fully with devotion, heal and release her trauma, we will be our own source of wholeness.
Then, no longer will we need the validation of others. We will organically attract healthy people who match our new beingness and love us just because…
You are NOT alone. BE part of the Love Is Always Kind Community and register for my FREE healing/recovery series at https://loveisalwayskind.com