The scapegoat child is the child that doesn’t match the narcissist’s ideas of what his child should be like.⠀
The scapegoat child is likely very empathetic, loving, considerate, vulnerable, insightful and emotional. This doesn’t match the narcissist’s false image of himself as superior and better than everyone else. The narcissist despises the qualities of the scapegoat child, seeing them as weak and inferior reminding him of his actual self behind the mask.⠀
Therefore, he callously uses the child as a scapegoat to blame, persecute, invalidate and project his own inner feelings of worthlessness onto.
The trauma of being the scapegoat runs deep. The feelings of unworthiness, powerlessness and hopelessness stay with them, making them highly susceptible to narcissistic abuse later in life.
These feelings can be further intensified if there was a “Golden child” in the family or other siblings who were treated very differently and seemed to get the love we craved.
This can happen with both narcissistic and/or co-dependent parents. The co-dependent parent is the one who has no boundaries, no sense of self, may feel sorry for the narcissist and overly responsible for him. This is the parent who enables abuse and may literally hand us over to abusers.
The narcissistic and co-dependent parent are both capable of using a child as a Scapegoat with no capacity to give them the love, validation and nurturing they deserve.
When we have endured the suffering of a Scapegoat child, we develop a high tolerance for abuse. We feel an empty void inside. We yearn for love. We have no boundaries. We unconsciously go into our adult relationships with the eyes of the scapegoat child, looking for the loving parent we never had and hoping it will be different this time.
I know from my own experience as a scapegoat child and from many women I have supported, that we have huge gifts to bring to the world with an ability to see into the unseen and a depth of love and heart that is unparalleled. We often feel an inner vastness and wisdom waiting to be expressed, yet we struggle with allowing ourselves to shine and so we stay small and hide away.
Our freedom comes when we finally take full responsibility for our own healing. We realize that nobody is coming and it is indeed our responsibility to heal ourselves. As children we were powerless and took on the co-dependent ways of being to survive our plight, yet now as adults we can heal and become empowered.
This starts with going within and reconnecting with our little girl inside who has been crying out for our attention for a long time. Finally, we feel our feelings, meet and release the trauma we have been carrying out of our bodies. We start to become our own source of wholeness, love, validation and approval – indeed everything we have been wanting all our lives and have been trying to obtain from outside of ourselves, including toxic people.
We start to have the insight that our unhealthy, narcissistic, co-dependent or toxic parents and intimate partners were never able to give us what we needed, they had no capacity to provide it.
Step by step, all in good timing and with support we can come to forgiveness for all we have been through to set ourselves free.
We can start to generate the love and lives we desire and deserve. We realize that there is an abundance of love in the world with healthy people we can draw towards us.
Narcissistic abuse experience is a spiritual wake-up call of Divine order. You see it was never about the narcissist. Rather it is all about YOU and YOUR healing. The narcissist was simply a messenger to prod our wounds so deeply that we could no longer ignore them or our precious little girl inside.
We can seize this opportunity to heal on a profound level and start to bring our true gifts into the world and BE who we have always felt ourselves to be. This is true freedom. This is pure and ultimate joy.
How does this feel in your body? Can you feel the truth of it?⠀