Being discarded by the narcissist for new supply and watching him seemingly sailing off into the sunset as though you never existed, is truly one of the most devastating experiences imaginable.
Your life has likely been completely shattered on every level – your emotions, your health, your spirit, your sense of sanity and likely your finances. Yet, the narcissist seems to have got away with the most horrific and inhumane behavior and not only that, seems to be doing so well without you, flaunting his new supply right in front of you.
There you are barely able to function while his life seems to be going from strength to strength and is seemingly much better than when he was with you.
You wonder whether it’s all your fault after all. How can this be? Perhaps he was right, and you really are the crazy one.
Now, let’s look at what’s ACTUALLY going on. (more…)
One of the hooks of narcissistic abuse is that we can feel sorry for them or overly responsible for them.
The narcissist often has multiple personas. One of these can be the “lost, sensitive and hurting little boy.” (or girl). He may even cry and plead to be forgiven that he will go to a therapist or the behavior will never happen again and how sorry he is.
So many of us have seen that these “sensitive” episodes do not last. Very quickly the narcissistic is back to their rageful, manipulative and controlling real self and blaming you.
Even if a narcissist agrees to see a therapist it is mostly simply a tactic to keep you hooked in and they will usually seek to manipulate and control the therapist and often succeed, leaving you reeling and re-traumatized.
As empaths, we may be able to see that the narcissist is actually a broken little traumatized child under the mask. We feel sorry for them. We even think that with our love we can heal them. We can feel responsible for them and feel guilty and heartless for walking away. (more…)
Narcissistic abuse severely drains our life-force and affects us on every level; emotionally, spiritually, physically and often financially.
Our emotions are in tatters with what feels like an unfathomable cocktail of shock, denial, grief, betrayal, shame and rage that seem to spin around and around.
Our spirit feels broken as though we have been soul raped. Our physical health often suffers – CPTSD, Chronic Fatigue and hair loss are common.
As though all of this wasn’t enough, we often face financial crisis.
The extreme losses we suffer of everything dear to us leaves us devastated beyond words and wondering how we will ever recover or even how will we go on living.
I truly understand. I have been there. When I left my narcissistic marriage, I lost everything. I was married to an American and had left the UK for the USA to be with my husband. When I left my marriage, I went to Bali. (more…)
After a narcissistic relationship, we can find ourselves seeming to see narcissists everywhere. Sometimes after the experience of having an adult narcissistic relationship, we realize that we have a narcissistic parent and we suddenly see narcissism amongst our friends, acquaintances and co-workers.
The experience of narcissistic abuse wakes us up out of a trance. As we gain insight into what has happened to us, we are changed. We have heightened awareness and an increasing capacity to recognize narcissism.
This can feel very frightening. Enough to make us want to recoil and not step out of our front door! It is indeed one of the phases we go through during our recovery.
Truly, the truth is there are many narcissists out there, however there is also much goodness and kindness.
What we want to do is to become narcissist immune so that we only attract healthy people and if we come across a narcissist, their antics don’t touch us and so they simply recoil out of our space in search of someone they can penetrate.
So how do we become narcissist immune?
How do you know when you are being abused by narcissistic parents, siblings or close ones? You may have thought the abuse was normal because that was all you ever knew. And then as life progresses you go on to attract narcissistic adult relationships.
There is a horrific consequence that happens when abuse is all we have known. That is, we can find ourselves going towards our abusers rather than away from them. We have learnt to associate abuse with love. We have clung to the crumbs of “love” they have given us, and we crave it so deeply and we often do anything to get it at the detriment of our needs, our sanity and our self-respect.
We haven’t developed a sense of self and a solidity within our own selves. As children we were completely dependent on our abusers, unable to protect ourselves. We were in mere survival and we have carried this survival thinking into our relationships, unable to be a source of survival, protection, love and acceptance to ourselves.