One of the hooks of narcissistic abuse is that we can feel sorry for them or overly responsible for the narcissist.
The narcissist often has multiple personas. One of these can be the “lost, sensitive and hurting little boy.” (or girl). He may even cry and plead to be forgiven that he will go to a therapist or the behavior will never happen again and how sorry he is.
So many of us have seen that these “sensitive” episodes do not last. Very quickly the narcissistic is back to their rageful, manipulative and controlling real self and blaming you.
Even if a narcissist agrees to see a therapist it is mostly simply a tactic to keep you hooked in and they will usually seek to manipulate and control the therapist and often succeed, leaving you reeling and re-traumatized. (more…)
Narcissistic abuse severely drains our life-force and affects us on every level; emotionally, spiritually, physically and often financially.
Our emotions are in tatters with what feels like an unfathomable cocktail of shock, denial, grief, betrayal, shame and rage that seem to spin around and around.
Our spirit feels broken as though we have been soul raped. Our physical health often suffers – CPTSD, Chronic Fatigue and hair loss are common. As though all of this wasn’t enough, we often face financial crisis.
The extreme losses we suffer of everything dear to us leaves us devastated beyond words and wondering how we will ever recover or even how will we go on living.
I truly understand. I have been there. When I left the narcissistic relationship , I lost everything and left the country for Bali, Indonesia. (more…)
After a narcissistic relationship, we can find ourselves seeming to see narcissists everywhere. Sometimes after the experience of having an adult narcissistic relationship, we realize that we have a narcissistic parent and we suddenly see narcissism amongst our friends, acquaintances and co-workers.
The experience of narcissistic abuse wakes us up out of a trance. As we gain insight into what has happened to us, we are changed. We have heightened awareness and an increasing capacity to recognize narcissism.
This can feel very frightening. Enough to make us want to recoil and not step out of our front door! It is indeed one of the phases we go through during our recovery.
Truly, the truth is there are many narcissists out there, however there is also much goodness and kindness.
What we want to do is to become narcissist immune so that we only attract healthy people and if we come across a narcissist, their antics don’t touch us and so they simply recoil out of our space in search of someone they can penetrate.
So how do we become narcissist immune?
When we have been abused or traumatized in childhood and have not had our basic needs met, we subconsciously develop a fixation on trying to get the love we didn’t have then in our adult relationships.
For example, if our father abandoned us or did not give us the love and acceptance we needed, we subconsciously spend our lives looking for someone to provide this for us. We look for someone to be the parent we did not have, hoping it will be different this time. In other words, we enter our adult relationships as a traumatized, wounded child rather than as a healthy adult, and we end up recreating our relationships and marriages through our childhood lens.
When we are viewing the world out of this lens, we are naturally attracted to people who replicate the abuse we have suffered, and they are attracted to us. We don’t even realize why we are so drawn to them, and it occurs as though we keep meeting the same abusive people time and time again, without understanding how this is happening through us. The urge is so strong to find a parent that finally loves and accepts us. (more…)
A very Happy Holiday weekend to you, I hope you are enjoying a little break and relaxation.
Thank you for all of your wonderful feedback on my last article about trauma. I am so glad it resonated with so many of you.
I would like to stay with that theme and go a little deeper.
To recap: almost all of us have experienced trauma, whether in the womb, in our childhoods and/or adulthoods and through our ancestors, our DNA and even in past lives.
We experienced a traumatic event, and the resulting trauma became wedged in our bodies. At the same time, we took on a belief or “view of the world” on that particular topic. (more…)