Being discarded by the narcissist for new supply and watching him seemingly sailing off into the sunset as though you never existed, is truly one of the most devastating experiences imaginable.
Your life has likely been completely shattered on every level – your emotions, your health, your spirit, your sense of sanity and likely your finances. Yet, the narcissist seems to have got away with the most horrific and inhumane behavior and not only that, seems to be doing so well without you, flaunting his new supply right in front of you.
There you are barely able to function while his life seems to be going from strength to strength and is seemingly much better than when he was with you.
You wonder whether it’s all your fault after all. How can this be? Perhaps he was right, and you really are the crazy one.
Now, let’s look at what’s ACTUALLY going on.
The narcissist is not a real self, he is a false self. The narcissist actually feels so broken and worthless that he gave up his real self and instead wears a mask. Then he expertly works to gain supply. His supply of choice are very empathetic, co-dependent people with poor boundaries. People who are longing to be loved. People who will give him the extreme attention and adoration he needs for his lifeforce at the detriment of their own selves.
He cunningly gets to know their deepest insecurities, longings and past hurts. And he pretends to be the savior of them. He pretends to be all their dreams come true.
As you have experienced, it’s not too long before you see the mask start to slip as his true colors are revealed and you see the manipulating, controlling and condescending person he really is. Trying to hold on to the “love” you thought was real and the person you thought you fell in love with, your demise worsens in devastating ways.
Narcissists need supply to be able to survive. Supply literally serves as their life-force. They are able to move on very quickly onto new supply because a) the “love” you thought you had was never real and b) they need supply to be able to exist.
Narcissists simply do not operate within the realms of normal human decency. Where you have empathy, conscience, accountability, responsibility and remorse, the narcissist has no capacity for these qualities.
All the narcissist really cares about his himself, himself and more of himself and he will do whatever it takes to get the supply he craves no matter how much it hurts others. What’s more, if you dare do or say anything to challenge his false mask, he will come back at you harder with fierce punishment.
So, when you see the narcissist with his new supply, it is simply the same narcissistic cycle playing out again.
The appearance of the “perfect happy couple” is simply a charade, just as it was when you were in that initial “love-bombing” stage with him.
It’s not going to be too long before his new supply starts to see the REAL person and experiences similar horrific behavior to that which you suffered.
Now, the new supply’s journey may not be exactly the same as yours. That’s because while many of our wounds are similar to each other, we also have wounds that are unique to each of us. We all have our unique histories and events that have caused our trauma. Because the narcissist is an expert at figuring out our wounds and using them against us, he may do it differently with different supply.
But it really doesn’t matter because horrific, inhumane behavior is just that.
It is never advisable to warn the new supply by relaying your experiences or to do this to try to get revenge in some way, even though of course your feelings are understandable. The new supply is very unlikely to listen – just think for a moment what you were like in the love-bombing stage and whether you would have listened. Be honest! You will also likely be deemed “the crazy ex,” making you feel even worse.
We are each on our own soul journey; you are on yours and she is on hers.
So, how do you heal from all of this and move on with your life?
By bringing all of focus, attention and precious energy onto yourself. It starts with detaching from him, then going and maintaining no contact (or strict limited contact if no contact is not possible, for example if you have a child with him).
This means blocking and deleting all means of contact – email, text, phone, social media etc. It also means refraining from checking his social media or his new supply’s social media. It means being clear with any mutual friends that you do not wish to discuss him or hear his name/what he’s been doing. Go here for my video on detaching and going no contact or strict limited contact: https://www.instagram.com/p/CFBL1WIjmCO/
From here you start to take complete self-responsibility to heal yourself and all the trauma wounds and co-dependency that left you susceptible to narcissistic abuse.
Co-dependency is the state of looking outside of ourselves for love, approval, validation, acceptance and worth rather than being a source of these things to ourselves.
To heal this, you must go inside and find the original traumas in your body and release them. The trauma likely from childhood, past events, our lineage, our ancestors and our DNA. We can meet and release this trauma from our body.
Alongside this, it’s about connecting with your little traumatized girl inside you with kindness and devotion. Listening to her and getting to know her. Building trust with her and letting her know you will never leave her again.
She has been crying out for your attention. It is time to give her all of the love, validation, acceptance, time and devotion that you were wanting from the narcissist. This is how you become a source of wholeness to yourself.
Then, no longer are you looking for false selves to fill the void. No longer do you have any hurt or agonizing feelings related to the narcissist and his new supply. You are way too busy feeling free, being yourself and creating the life you were meant to live.